How do you tell Max?

As reality set in, we knew that we needed to go to get Max.  He hadn't gone to school that day since he was recovering from a cold.  Dad broke down at the thought of what do we tell him? I had been talking to Max about his Daddy's fragile health since Clayton went into renal failure, several years prior.  He sometimes would lay down next to met at night and say "I'm worried about Daddy going to heaven, soon."  With tears gently rolling down our checks onto our pillows, we'd talk about how we felt.  Max seemed to find comfort in the darkness, the warm comfort of the bed and knowing that he wasn't alone in how he felt.  I didn't hide anything from him about his Daddy's health and the possibilities, only put it in words that he could understand.  He often would ask questions that I was not able to answer.  When this would happen, I'd say that only God knows and you will only find an answer in prayer.

I called Melissa and explained that Max needed to go to the hospital to see his Dad.  He wasn't doing well.  I went to pick him up, moments later.  Max got in the car and I started to pull away.  I started by saying, "Max, I have to talk to you about your Dad."  When I pulled over and had him climb up to the front seat, tears welled in his eyes.  He felt my sadness and knew his Daddy was in trouble.  I explained that his Daddy had trouble breathing this morning.  Grandma and Grandpa took him to the hospital.  When his lungs filled up with too much water, his heart had to work harder to get air to his brain.  This made his heart stop working.  When his heart stopped working, his brain didn't get air.  Your brain needs lots of air.  If your brain doesn't get enough air parts of it stop working and won't ever work again.  Sometimes the parts that still work, can learn to do what the parts that aren't working used to do.  The doctors don't know how much of his brain will be working.  Since your brain tells all of your body what to do, his body might not be able to work any more.  

Right now, we need to remember that God will help us and we need to pray for Daddy.  Because Daddy is very sick, we don't know what will happen.  He might be able to stay with us for a while longer.  If that happens, that's good for us, because we really want to keep him with us.  Your Daddy might go to heaven.  If that happens, it will be so sad for us because we love him so much and will miss him terribly.  But, it will be good, too, because Daddy will go to heaven and no longer will be sick.  He'll be in paradise where everything is perfect and wonderful.  

As I spoke, the tears poured out of our eyes.  Max repeated what I had said and asked questions.  I explained that Daddy was sleeping but we would go see him.  We both cried our way to the hospital knowing that this might be time for Max to say "Good-bye" to his Daddy.  He adored his father and wanted to be just like him.  He would always say, "My Daddy ..." this and that.  In preschool, he actually got in a fight over whose Daddy is the strongest and toughest.  

The two of us went into the chapel where our family had gathered.  The charge nurse was a classmate and longtime friend of my mother's.  She explained what was going on to Max and said that she's go see Daddy with him.  Max decided that he'd rather go to the cafeteria to get a drink.  It was all too much for someone so young.

Family and friends began to fill the waiting room.  It had been decided, early in the morning that he should be transported to the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania where his doctors and specialists could help him.  We all waited and watched for the helicopter to land.

Finally, when it arrived, I gave Max the opportunity to go see his Dad.  Grandmom Sitko, Aunt Kathy and the charge nurse, Terri gathered around Max and his Father.  We all told Clayton how much we loved him, how much we supported him, prayed with him and encouraged him to fight to live and get better.  Clayton's body was convulsing and it was difficult to watch.  Our visit was brief and we gathered by the window to watch for the ambulance to transport him to the helicopter.  The hospital staff say its a 10 second ambulance ride!

There was not a dry eye in the room as we all witnessed this little boy watching his Daddy be taken to one of the best hospitals in the nation.  We all clung to the hope that they could save him but knew the odds were not in his favor.  

By 3 pm, Clayton was flying a 9 minute trip to HUP, the crowd was going home and plans were being made to join Clayton at HUP.  Mom, Dad and Aunt Connie went down to meet him.  Max and I went to see his doctor for his cold symptoms.  He was headed in the direction of bronchitis.  We wanted him to be well to be able to visit his Dad.  After the doctor visit, I took him to his mom's house again.  I wanted to prevent all of us from getting sick and wanted him to be able to escape the sadness for a while.  At his mom's house, all was still normal there.

Mom said that the Amtrack building was all lite up in green for the holiday.  It was really hard to see everyone walking around like zombies.  We still carried a speck of hope that carried us through but the reality that Clayton might not make it was deeply setting into our hearts.